What if I am not Ok?

Disclaimer: A while back while doing a workshop on transactional analysis I came across the idea of  “I’m ok, you’re ok” I want to take that concept away from its context and just use them as regular words in a sentence. 

I am human, first. In an ideal world, my autonomy would be respected – period. It isn’t though. Humanity is a beautiful flawed species that has a complex behaviour frame of reference.  I layer on my humanity, a lens of female, add another for nationality, language, age group, race classification and education level. I add a few more lenses called life experience, inherited trauma and joy, relationships and religion.

Yes, first I am human. Regardless of the “isms” that I may experience because of the way the world experiences my demographic and behaves towards me. So popular culture tells me to get over it, because I am just human like everyone else – therefore we are all equal and need to just embrace and take opportunities to grow as they come. Popular culture discounts my lenses and makes light of my observation and my experience- ironically because we each see life through these manipulators of vision. These are as firmly attached to me as my retina and eardrums –

What are the signs of “not ok” ?

  • Anger, frustration, offence, hurt, betrayal, sadness, lack of motivation, hate, despair, fear, aggression, disassociation, isolation, hopelessness.

When we experience these emotions from others, we simplify right down to “I’m ok, you’re not ok” because I see us as just human, while you are still on about some situation that I feel I have grown past. This is akin to a person speaking slowly in english to a non-english speaker, hoping for a miraculous translation which makes the non-english speaker puzzle at the condescension displayed while still not understanding the intended words.

How do we get to I’m ok and You’re ok? Start with your beliefs and be brutally honest. Interrogate them from a non-judgmental and fair viewpoint – not your lenses, but perhaps through the stories told by others who are angry and sad and disillusioned- these others whom you do not understand. Acknowledge that most conflict starts from a place of fear that is deep seated in the subconscious created by generations of fear inducing action.

We can all get to the I’m ok, you’re ok stage. We just need to allow the “I’m not ok” to be unknown-913571_1280acknowledged respectfully so that the understanding of how to make it different can come about.

About Fiona

A coach who believes that by helping more people become visionary in their own leadership, the world will be a kinder and more prosperous place for us all. www.justonepercent.co.za